When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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