I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
