I'm so fucking centered right now
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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