just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
