Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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