Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Farmville is her only friend.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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