so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
