he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
