I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
