Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
