He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
