So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm sobbing to NWA
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
