question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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