That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
