look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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