I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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