I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
