it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
