It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
