hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
