You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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