That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
