even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
