Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
