I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
