i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
