So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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