Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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