3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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