My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
