he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
