PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
