got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
