he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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