i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
