The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
