Moan for me like Helen Keller
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
