My hair reeks of homosexuality.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
