saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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