I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
