had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
