Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
