girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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