Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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