omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
