He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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