Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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