life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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