Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
