I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
