if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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