We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
