I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
