Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
